You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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