Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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