um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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