He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
