I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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