He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
