How'd it feel making her break her religion?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
