Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?