Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day