you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.