If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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