I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.