Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

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(512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. http://tfl.nu/mk0c

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(541): View more from Oregon

we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.

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(541): we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people. http://tfl.nu/d8wc

Replies (24) Good night (7500) Bad night (887)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.

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(651): i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors. http://tfl.nu/w7i6

Replies (10) Good night (3569) Bad night (847)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.

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(610): Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot. http://tfl.nu/czov

Replies (19) Good night (4605) Bad night (1093)
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(817): View more from Texas

just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.

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(817): just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing. http://tfl.nu/3pw8

Replies (18) Good night (6023) Bad night (764)
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(928): View more from Arizona

im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was

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(928): im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was http://tfl.nu/g5u7

Replies (4) Good night (2401) Bad night (994)
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(208): View more from Idaho

She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....

(615): View more from Tennessee

Lesbians are weird.

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(208): She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk".... (615): Lesbians are weird. http://tfl.nu/wkyn

Replies (4) Good night (1791) Bad night (736)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy

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(270): my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy http://tfl.nu/5thn

Replies (9) Good night (2525) Bad night (636)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation

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(303): I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation http://tfl.nu/r6lh

Replies (1) Good night (1077) Bad night (482)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.

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(702): Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent. http://tfl.nu/joa6

Replies (7) Good night (1358) Bad night (687)
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(760): View more from California

Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.

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(760): Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back. http://tfl.nu/zq1q

Replies (1) Good night (921) Bad night (417)
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(541): View more from Oregon

After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...

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(541): After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video... http://tfl.nu/lvkq

Replies (3) Good night (725) Bad night (737)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Worth it.

(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth

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(617): All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless (508): Worth it. (617): I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth http://tfl.nu/dnz7

Replies (11) Good night (1119) Bad night (698)
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(253): View more from Washington

I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.

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(253): I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab. http://tfl.nu/54wu

Replies (0) Good night (585) Bad night (409)
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(904): View more from Florida

WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS

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(904): WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS http://tfl.nu/o3r8

Replies (5) Good night (363) Bad night (185)

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