Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?