sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.