I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today