So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
