I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
