scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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