First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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