woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
