peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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