C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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