u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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