When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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