So drunk, too bad you don't want this
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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