my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
