Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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