I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
