Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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