I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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