im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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