just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
