Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
