Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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