you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
