and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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