I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
