only you would photoshop your dick
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
