I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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