The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
