Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think your dad took our porno
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying