if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?