If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.