I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
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I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.