They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
