So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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