omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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