he wants to bone in the snuggie
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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