its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Houston, we have a blender
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
