I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
