Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
