I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize