he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
