I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
