he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
