I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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