i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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