it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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