no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
