If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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