when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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