I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
