I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
