I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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