Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
