you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
