our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
