SEEEEXXX PLEASE
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
