im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
