Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
