My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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